A Life That Counts
Ah, I started out this New Year with all these resolutions. One was that I would blog so many times per month. Well, look at me: it's only April, the year is a quarter of the year over, and I haven't keep that resolution, now have I? What about you? How are your New Year's resolutions coming along? Sometimes I feel like I get sidetracked: life gets so busy. I'm busy chasing kids, planning homeschool lessons, planning next year's curriculum, doing laundry, or wiping dust off of everything. (Could someone please tell me where all that crazy dust comes from--especially when I am dusting a few times a week??!!) Then, something hits--smacks--into that busy life, and I realize that as mundane as the daily in's and out's of life seem to be, I have to step out of that and make it a priority to spend quality time with those I love.
Yep, I've been side-swiped. I recently found out that my grandma, one of the closest people to me in the world, isn't doing well. She's under hospice care and probably won't be around for too much longer. In my mind, she was always going to be there. I really couldn't imagine what life would be without her. Now...now I have to think about that. I'm forced to think about it.
I've been processing SO much the past few weeks since I learned about my beloved grandma's current stage of life: the stage of preparing to die. As hard as it is for me, I am in many ways thankful that she has this chance to think through her life, say goodbye to those who mean so much to her, and live out her remaining days with the assurance that Jesus is going to take her home soon. My mom died suddenly, and that was a completely different experience than this one. That was difficult--like "BOOM" in your face difficult. This is difficult in other ways.
I found myself thinking about the stages of grief today. I know that "denial" is one of them. Can't say I ever really went through that stage before: I KNEW when my mom died that she had died...plain and simple. However, I've been noticing with my grandma that sometimes I just shake my head and think it's all a dream, she's going to get better, and this isn't really happening. MAN, the process of watching a loved one start to die is really, really intense. Not trying to be morbid or depressing here...it's just death really is a part of life on this earth...whether we like it or not. I can deny it all I want, but it is going to happen.
Not only is it going to happen to my grandma, but it's going to happen eventually to me, too. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all I have to take care of today: the crazy dustballs, the laundry, the stack of papers that are so high they are nearly toppling off the edge of my desk... Yet, even in the midst of all of that, I have something more important to do: invest in lives today. Today is a gift. Not everyone will have a tomorrow. Today needs to count. So, I challenge you, dear sisters, how can we do what we have to do for today to know that, should we not have a tomorrow, our family and dear friends would know they were loved, our God would say "Well done," and we would face death with no regrets. Think about that for awhile...and I'm sure we can all come up with a way to make a change that lasts more than those "quarter-year long" New Year's resolutions. Let's make the life we have count!
(*See Matthew 6:25-34 and Matthew 22:36-40.)